How God Called Me Away from My Job: Part 5 - Loss & Confirmation / June '20 - Apr '22

"For God speaketh once, yea twice, yet man perceiveth it not."

Job 33:14

This post is a continuation of a story about how God led me through leaving a job - permanently.  I say permanently because it took me a long time of vacillation, going back and forth from in-office to out-of-office, part-time to less part-time hours, up to full-time, and then finally quitting.   Looking back over these posts and my journals, I just can't help but to laugh incredulously sometimes.  Like how could I have made things this complicated?  Um, easily.

First of all, I'm human.  Secondly, like most people, I'm learning.  And thirdly, God was asking something of me that required a lot of faith.  So, I just keep writing my sometimes embarrassing story and tell myself that these posts are for other humans that actually need to hear them.  After all, this blog was the answer to a call, so God will lead those people here at the perfect time for them.  

So...moving on...I had cut back hours at my job, but I also felt I had compromised by not completely quitting.  I had the dream mentioned in the last post about what I believed represented opening the door to confusion.  (If you want to start at the beginning of this story, click here.)  These months from March to June now seem like a blur, but I do remember the next true turning point for me.

The evening my mother-in-law passed away was July 25, 2020, around 8:30 pm.  After this, I made up in my mind that time was precious, and I was just tired of wasting it.  I remember how she had recently asked if we could swing by on our way out of town, but we were already an hour behind schedule getting on the road, so we didn't.  I thought about how I hadn't ever delivered the Mother's Day card I had gotten her.  Yes, it was June, and yes, I still have it.  And no, I'm not a terrible person.  I wanted to take it to her when I actually had time to visit  - meaning sit and talk and not just drop by for five minutes - as I hadn't seen her in a while.  But, that time never came with my busy schedule.   (This is a great lesson for us perfectionists:  Sometimes, you have to seize the moments you do have instead of waiting for those you don't.)  Also, her ability to visit had limitations for a number of reasons, so maybe I was uncomfortable with jumping what were small hurdles, but hurdles nonetheless.  Whatever the reasons, I didn't go.  

So, after meditating (and praying) on all of this, I told my boss I needed to be home at this point in my life.  My mother-in-law's passing - more so the time lost with her - was a wake up call to what I already had been wanting, and it gave me the courage to put things in perspective and set boundaries with and for myself.  From this point,  I wasn't a regular employee, but I helped out at the office on a small project every couple of weeks or so.  It was when my last project ended that I was asked if I would like to take on a different role, one that could be done on a flexible schedule and as time allowed.  

It sounded good enough but quickly became my proverbial wave.  Requirement of my energy and brain space intensified with this project, and finally crested as my husband decided to change career paths.  I went full-time at my job for a bit to support our family while he trained for this change.  During the time this job was ramping up, someone very close to me shared a dream they had about me.  The dream went like this:  I was sitting at my desk, working, and there was a hole in my forehead that tunneled all the way up and out through the top of my head.  Attached to the hole and coming out of my head were purple, hairy, scaly octopus tentacles.  This wasn't good.  My belief is that this octopus basically represented a controlling spirit and my feeling trapped and enslaved to it.  I was being controlled to some degree by an entity that wasn't the Holy Spirit, being driven in some capacity by fear.  This happens every day to many people, and I'm hoping sharing this dream really helps remind readers here that we are constantly in a spiritual battle, wrestling for many things.  In this case, mine was peace and rest.  God had given me a dream a long while back where he showed me a playroom with a ball pit, and I so badly wanted to go jump in it.  When I woke, I knew God was telling me that I my heart longed to "play again" and I needed to learn how.  So, getting back to the current story, I knew this wasn't "it."

Throughout my time in my new position, I was learning a lot and enjoying the challenge, but I still had the gnawing that I was supposed to be elsewhere.  I stayed before the Lord about it.  On 10/24/21, I had a dream I was in a library with someone who had left the same company I worked for.  We were working on math fractions.  The page had six fractions on it, and each of the fractions had the number 90 as the denominator.  The numerator was filled in on some fractions, and not on others.  After meditation and prayer concerning this dream, the revelation I believe came was that number 90 represented something possibly coming in 90 days.  A release?  A step to take?  Something.  The numerator not always being consistent or filled in possibly represented that some days had passed, but not all.  Here is picture of my journal entry from that dream, and how I drew the fractions.

Ninety days later began a series of three confirmations.  What's incredible about this is that each confirmation was an exact repeat of three major confirmations God had given me before, and in the same order of the first ones!  Two of these, I blogged about.  The three double confirmations are recapped below:

01/22/22 - 1st Double Confirmation:  Exactly ninety days from my library dream, I was watching a movie where a woman was sitting in a black peacock chair, and someone else had a pink bow in their hair.  I paused the screen and took a picture of it, because I realized this was like the black peacock chair and (ugly) pink pillows God had shown me in my first dream that started all of this!  I had just barely started my job when that first confirmation came, and something wasn't settling with me.  I declared I would hear from God in 24 hours, asking him to speak, and the dream came to me before I left for work the next morning (02/05/20).  (You can read that story here if interested.)  I took this seeming confirmation before the Lord to ask about it, as I was certainly excited, but didn't want to upend our lives over a 30 second scene from a movie.  

02/13/22 - 2nd Double Confirmation:  I put another demand on the spiritual timetable, declaring "today would be the day of revelation," confirming what I had seen in the movie.  My interest was definitely peaked.  As the evening drew near, I was going to read to my kids before they went to bed, and I had a quick, secret conversation with God, saying the day was drawing to a close - because God needed reminding of that - and that I was still expecting to receive revelation today...you know, in case he forgot.  As I opened the book to read the next chapter to my kiddos, there it was!  Each chapter in this book had a typed date that opened the chapter, so the reader could keep track of the timeline of the book.  It was a signature move of this author.   The date typed on the page at the start of this chapter:  February 24!  If you read this post, you saw/will see that I had a dream in 2020 regarding February 24, which led to me having the first discussion with my supervisor that very day.  But, you don't have to read it to comprehend the fact that I knew this was my second confirmation that I had prayed for, and it came that day as prayed for.  I took a picture that night, attached for your viewing pleasure here.  Pretty, right?

02/21/22 - 3rd Double Confirmation:  I was in a time of worship, listening to music from my phone, when it rang.  I looked down to see who it was, and the time read "4:44."  I never blogged about this, but back when (and after) God gave me the first two confirmations in 2020, there was an early morning when our daughter woke up in some minor pain.  (Waking up super early for her was normal when she was younger, but not since she had hit preteen years.)  This was an abnormal waking.  As I went to get Tylenol for her, I saw the clock read "4:44."  I began to study this out, because as I had been praying heavily, I felt God was speaking to me...but I didn't know what it might mean.  And wow.  If I could put you inside my brain and heart to just let you soak up, without any words, what I know now and how God continued to - during this time - confirm with this pattern for our family, I would certainly do so. (For example, when I went to bed on Saturday, 04/04/2020, I received confirmation for starting my blog, and also the blog's name written down in my dream.) 

A small explanation:  The fourth letter of the Hebrew alphabet is the Dalet, and the pictogram (picture) for number four (since Hebrew incorporates gematria) is a door (doorpost and lintel).  It represents entering, movement, and a pathway.  For me, in studying further, it can also represent completion, which makes sense, because often times, if you're leaving one thing and headed toward another, you are walking through a proverbial door into a new pathway that requires movement.  This site is where I studied a good deal on the #4, but beware of certain posts here, as they talk about angel numbers, and I believe angel numbers are unscriptural.  The post on #4 is written by the founder of the website, and seems biblical, with no known mention of angel numbers.  Just use discretion.

So, again, these were three confirmations in a row that were given to me within the span of 30 days in the year 2022.  They each confirmed a sign given to me earlier - two of them in 2020 and the last (4:44), I can't remember the date exactly. Each of the second confirmations was given in the same order as the first time they were given!

So having run down all of these confirmations, and in such a small span of time, you can see that God was speaking, and he was moving pretty fast there at the end.  I say the end because he was leading us into a completely new situation, which is a whole other story.  But there really WAS a door waiting.  So this is why - echoing my first post for this story - there finally came a double dream on 04/14/22, where my husband and I both dreamed I was having an affair with someone at work.  The dream details were different, but the message was clear.  I was in rebellion, as God had been gracious over these two years to work with me, especially reconfirming the same signs he originally gave me.  It was not only okay to leave my job, but God was actually calling me out.  I was being unfaithful to the new covenant he wanted to establish with me, because I was in fear.  The double dream signified to me and my husband that movement (obedience) was required, and now...even with no clarification on how we would be fully supported financially.

So, what about money?  What about the common sense questions?  Well, I told God that I needed to know he would provide, and I needed some real confirmation on that.  I will discuss this in my next post, because God did confirm through another double dream.  Also, my husband was offered a job after I quit - not before - and his first paycheck hit the day of my last.  More details to come!  Until then, keep trusting.

Blessings!