How God Called Me Away from My Job: Part 2 - The Shift / Jan '20

In my last post, I wrote about the end of a 2.5 year story where God taught me his voice, and patiently worked with me to trust I was hearing him.  I am passionate to share this experience because, even though doing so is scary, I don't feel that hearing God speak to me via the Holy Spirit for specific circumstances was confidently encouraged in the way of modeling as I grew up.  So, I think sharing my story here with knowledge of my background can be powerful to encourage people as they grow in this area of their own walk with the Lord.  And I don't share this to be disrespectful to anyone, or from a place of bitterness.  I understand that people, in general, usually model what they have been taught, and we only know what we know.  And even if we want to grow in an area, we often times aren't sure how to see this growth through.  What I was taught is that God speaks via his written Word.  I have been taught that his written Word is the highest form of prophecy, and this makes sense on so many levels if you ponder it, because the Word comes directly from God's Spirit.  2 Timothy 3:16 says, "All scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness." And Ephesians 6:17 talks about taking up " . . . the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God."  

But it finally dawned on me that God spoke to people before the Bible was written, and His people have never been without need for guidance for their specific circumstances, regardless of time period.  We always need wisdom, understanding, and discernment.  As I grew to understand the heart of the Father more toward us, and that it's always for good and growth, then I realized that God doesn't want us to be ignorant of His will!  (There are many scriptures in the Bible on knowing the will of God, which you can find with a quick Google search.) And although sometimes, he may wait to reveal things in his timing, he doesn't frustrate us for the sake of watching us be frustrated.  He's for us and not against us.  (Psalm 23 is encouraging if you're struggling with that thought, where you can see how the Lord's intentions toward us are good and loving.)

So, I began to go to God very regularly, asking him to teach me to hear his voice better, and through a series of events - too long to talk about here - I began to realize that I was hearing God often through my dreams.  And the more I believed I was hearing, it seemed the more I heard, often interpreting, and even sometimes seeing quick manifestation in the physical realm of what I had dreamed, as confirmation.  

My point in telling you this is to encourage searchers.  The Holy Spirit is speaking to you, but you may just not realize it.  His job is to guide us into all truth (John 16:13), and since he wants all men to know him (2 Peter 3:9), it makes sense he's constantly drawing you to him and/or working to guide you into all truth.  If you're searching to hear God for a situation, my heart goes out to you.  Or maybe you're just here searching for the answer to an all-time basic question, asked by who knows how many throughout the ages:  Does God really love people . .  . specifically, you?  Or does he just sit on his throne all day and watch us "peasants" without interaction or care?  Or maybe the love of God is just a bogus and cliché saying that clergy say to pull unsuspecting people into churches to get their money or increase their numbers and status?  Could it be true that there is someone that sees you and actually cares at all about you?  If that's you, I'm going to be really honest.  There sometimes is manipulation - unintended and intended - regarding money or other items in the church, because, well . . . humans.  But, I can also tell you that God's love is the truest of "trues," and it's not tied to a building, or your money, or anything you can do to please him.  (There are probably some congregations God would not be pleased for you to attend . . . this is a matter of seeking His will, which is what this post is about.)  He just loves you because he does.  It's such a deep love that really can't be comprehended, and some people are too ashamed to even accept it.  How do I know this?  Because the Word says so, and because I have lived it.  I have broken free of a lot of shame and bondage, and am still walking out into new levels of freedom every day.  And I want to encourage you that you can know God, and furthermore, you can hear him for yourself, working alongside the Holy Spirit!  

Hearing God through dreams may or may not be his primary method with you.  God can speak any way he chooses, and I would encourage you to be open to all ways, with his written Word being the final judge on any dream, vision, or "personal word" to you.  I would also encourage you to not think better or less than yourself because you do or do not hear God a certain way.  The point is TO hear, and to be content with your relationship with Abba Father, not comparing to others while desiring to grow to your fullest potential and deeper levels with him.  So, without further ado, I hope this story encourages you, as I share how I learned God's voice through a particular situation.  I'll start in this post and continue in the next few, and work back around to the ending eventually. :)  

This begins in January 2020, with me starting a new job after a very, very . . . VERY . . . rough season in life. (And by rough, I don't mean we couldn't pay the electric bill for the first time in our life one month.  I mean we were in the trenches of warfare.) I had prayed about getting a job, and I had asked to work somewhere I felt good about, that was somewhat flexible.  This was that place, and I was glad to get the offer!  But the immediate thankfulness and excitement wore off faster than when I had taken jobs with other companies in the past.  And deep down, I realized I really just wasn't excited.  The culture, my boss, and all coworkers were wonderful!  But two days in, I was already miserable and near panicky.  Hmmmm.  Was it the pay cut bothering me?  Sure, this was not a welcome factor.  I had been forced to take a pay cut due to a series of not so great events.  Remember, I told you we were in warfare mode.  A lot of questions were rumbling, and I remember taking a walk around the neighborhood after my second day on the job.  It was a Tuesday evening in early February, and I was praying under my breath, so that people wouldn't think I just constantly talked to myself.  I was telling God I was very uneasy in this position and couldn't settle in.  Was it me or his Spirit?  I needed guidance, confirmation of what I was feeling, and the right road, and I was expecting to hear.  I made a declaration that I would hear from him in the next 24 hours!

When I woke up the next morning, it obviously wasn't 24 hours yet, but I realized I hadn't received any revelation, and I remember my heart sinking.  As I lay there praying, I boldly expressed to God my disappointment, saying that I had prayed with expectancy the night before, and I needed to hear from him.  I assume I fell back to sleep unknowingly, but I journaled that I had a 2-second dream or vision like a dream.  It was a picture that God gave me, nonetheless, where my supervisor and primary co-worker were preparing a new work chair for me. They were hustling and bustling to get it done, excited about me coming. The chair was a mesh material and black, like many office chairs, BUT it was the shape of a peacock chair.  What's a peacock chair, you ask?  I had no idea either, and it took me who knows how long on Google trying to explain what I saw before I got the right hit.  My searches went something like this:  "Old wicker chairs used in formal photography settings in the olden days."  Here's a picture of cat posing in one.  Meow.  

They were putting hot pink accent pillows on the chair that had neon tropical flowers on them. Even typing this, it is bringing up the feeling that I experienced looking at their design choice, which is UGH!  And "ew."  It was terrible!  And knowing them a lot better now, I doubt that would be their choice as well.  And this is a clue in dreams.  If something seems weird or off, it is very often - at least in my dreams - the point of the dream, or at least a big clue.  So, what was the point?  This job wasn't a fit.  Need I expound?  The design was hideous.  None of it went together.  Peacock chairs aren't mesh, and the pillows were ugly (to me).  Also, the pillows insinuated that they were prepping for me to stay and "get cozy" at this new job.  And why wouldn't they?  I accepted their offer.  But - admittedly dragging this out - the feeling I got looking at their design choice reminded me of colors I wore as a young girl growing up in the 80s.  I also associated it with bright leotards and headbands from that decade.  Why?  My mom would workout in front of the TV with workout broadcasts, and that's what they wore.  (Not my mom . . . thank you, Mom.)  Side ponytails.  Leg warmers.  High cut leotards with belts.  Think workout Barbie collection . . . although, she doesn't look too bad here.  (But to my point, she still has on neon.)

I loved Barbie, for the record.  But some of the workout TV outfits, though!  Whew!  God bless us all.  

Anyway, I woke up with a strong conviction that God was saying to me and agreeing with me that this job wasn't a fit.  One of the specific prayers I wrote in my journal was:  I need confirmation of what I'm feeling . . . which to me meant, "I need to know that what I am feeling is from you, God."  But being the analytical type I am, here was my question.  What if it was my soul, just expressing visually what I felt?  What if it wasn't God's Spirit?  Ah.  Well, come back for my next post, where I'll discuss this train of thought and explain what happened next.

Until then, blessings.