"The steps of a good man are ordered (established) by the Lord:
and he delights in his way."
- Psalm 37:23
This is the last post of a very long "series," I guess we can call it at this point, about how God called me away from a job that took me 2.5 years to truly hear and obey. You can start the story at the beginning if you want to catch up. For now, I am approaching this post as if the reader understands the story to this point.
I mentioned in my last post that there was a (night) dream that came to me as I was resigning from my job. I didn't have a clue as to what the dream meant, but I knew God was showing me something, assumably not about myself, as I was an observer in the dream rather than a participant. There was one part of the dream that I was able to seek out for understanding, as the dream contained a map, with two blue GPS dots. I supposed the map to be of the city where I lived. And since the setting of the dream was a church of sorts, I looked up churches in that area, with no revelation whatsoever. So, I left it alone and left it to prayer. Not long after that, I listened to an old YouTube post by a Christian teacher, where the name of a church was mentioned in the same area where those blue dots were. When I looked up the church, I realized that a short-time from then, a well-known prophet would be coming to speak there. I am not big on chasing prophets, or meetings, or conferences, as I believe we should, above all else, chase God through Jesus, led and taught by Holy Spirit. However, I was curious of the timing, so I went to visit. Some time passed after that first visit - with other happenings - but long story short, the pastor of that church knew my husband and had been praying for a couple of years for him - specifically - to come lead worship there. (Not long after, he stepped into the role of worship pastor.) The rest of the dream made sense after being there, and God taught me that sometimes he will show us things that don't make sense, and we have to wait on the revelation. 
One thing I want to mention is that God confirmed the taking of this position to my husband, not through an invitation to lead worship (as he wasn't seeking the position when we came), but rather because of a connection to a friend of his. One night, as my husband was working his other job and sitting alone, God spoke to him to call one of his friends. For the sake of this story, we'll call him Sam...no, Ralph...no, Gary. During their conversation, my husband told Gary about the church we had visited, and he then found out an incredible story: One of Gary's friends had dropped a check in a store, and someone from the church we had visited found it and got in touch with Gary's friend. As Gary and his friend were later discussing this occurrence, Gary mentioned that he and his wife needed work on their roof and had been praying about finding a good company. Gary's friend told him that the person who had called about the check worked for a roofing company! Through this conversation, it was obvious to my husband that God has initiated the conversation with Gary as confirmation that he was also initiating this new path. Also, Gary and his wife started coming to the church!
I am not going to call this the "end" of the story, but rather the end of the chapter. Because it only led to the beginning of the next. A few questions you may (or may not) be asking, and I hope I answer them in the reflective time below:
1. Were our needs met? For the person who is learning to "step out" onto water, and let God be God, sometimes you just don't have a clue as to what this is supposed to look like, feel like, or be like! If no one ever modeled this for you, it can seem tricky, especially if you're the analytical type. What is your part versus God's? Where do you take ownership or action versus taking your hands off as to not get in God's way? Remember how I prayed that we wouldn't struggle for orange juice or socks? What I can tell you is that yes, he did meet our needs, and we had orange juice and socks! However, this wasn't a full-time salary; my husband did need to keep his other job (while also studying for his real estate exams). And there came a time down the road where the two jobs were too much, and we prayed about it, and eventually, God called us out on another journey of trust. But at the time of this story, between the two jobs, it covered my quitting for a while. And remember the number 4 that was discussed in an earlier post? That number became very significant when salary was discussed, which was another huge confirmation added to the queue to let us know we were on the right path, and that God's favor was on this situation. In other words, we were "in step" and "in time." (A very different message than the lack of favor shown in the double dream mentioned in Post #1 of this story.) Another great confirmation of God's timing was that my husband's first paycheck picked up exactly where my last one ended! These were true testimonies over and over again that God was with us. I'm sure we can all agree that we wish God just did things a little more conveniently sometimes. (Did the Israelites really have to eat manna for FORTY years?) Did I have to keep our budget with scrutiny still, as we were working to pay off debt and meet goals? Yes. Did my husband work his tail off? Yes. Did we still need to pray through financial situations? Yes. Did we know we were in God's will? Yes. Was patience having its perfect work (James 1:4)? I really hope so! Were we being grown into "sons of God" (Romans 8:14)? Yes! So these are step-by-step journeys we all take with the Lord, and the Holy Spirit teaches us in the midst of them. He is the best teacher, counselor, and comforter!
2. Do I feel it would take as long to hear/obey now? Wow, such a great and insightful question! Lol. Maybe...maybe not. I'm not sure I can honestly answer that question. I'd like to say I'm quicker to hear and obey, but it has to be proven out in each situation. I can say that I've grown in my confidence of when the Lord is speaking; however, I've also learned to prove out what he is saying. I can give a number of great examples of this, but will share two:
- I once had a dream of a birthing pool with three figures beside it, and I thought it might mean I was pregnant. I was so new to dreams that I didn't realize they are mostly - though not always - symbolic. So I prayed for the Lord to confirm if I was pregnant, and that night, my daughter had a dream I had another child. Over time, I realized God was saying I was being rebirthed spiritually in this season of life, and that he was doing it. (3 figures: Father, Son, Holy Spirit)
- I had a dream of a compass of Israel, and thought God might be calling us to move to Israel (wasn't quite yet convinced yet of symbolism). But the compass was in a recreational vehicle, and furthermore, inside the kitchen of that vehicle (both symbols of rest/communing). My husband picked up on the fact that God was speaking symbolically that he (God) was leading me to my "promised land" of rest in him, a place of communing with him.
The takeaway of this point is that you can be seeing, but not quite interpreting correctly. Don't shy away from it! God wants to teach you. It's how he trained Jeremiah (Jeremiah 1:11-14). He wants to teach all of us! God used my husband to help me learn; he's also used me visa versa. If you're not married, or you're married to a person without the spirit of God in them (or a backslidden person), God will still teach you. Sometimes, he will use people, but the Holy Spirit is the ultimate teacher (1 John 2:27).
3. Why all the symbolism of dreams? This is a question that I think deserves its own post. I've asked this so, so, so many times. So I'm going to hold off on this one for now.
4. Observation: I never had to go full-time. My husband's moving into a new field wasn't a bad move, but the way he would end up getting there really didn't require me to go full-time. Of course, I didn't know this at the time, and lesson learned; this is where waiting and praying together can really be a blessing. But as not to over-simplify things, writing this now, we have been through other seasons where we needed to take a job. The point is to do your best to listen to what God is telling you in each situation. In the Bible, David would ask God if he should go to war (or other situations) before he did so; he didn't assume that because he had gone before and won, he was automatically to go again. He waited for direction. (You can find these discussions between David and God throughout 1 Samuel and 2 Samuel.)
5. Calling, Purpose, Destiny: Let me be clear that I believe that being a child of God and knowing him and being known by him is our first purpose. It's why Jesus died, and anything beyond this to "witness" to others doesn't really "hold water" unless we first model our identity in Christ. Secondly, I want to state that being a wife and mom - in my opinion - is my first ministry. If I'm not loving my own flesh and blood, but loving others, something is askew. Loving your family well is hard enough without organized ministry in our fast-paced, consumerism-driven society. Add formal ministry to that, and it can be drowning if you're not constantly abiding in the vine (John 15:5!). Having said this, my major is in music (vocal), and the reception of my husband as worship leader (at the new church) also made space - somewhat of necessity for a number of reasons - for me to use this gifting, after laying it down for at least six years. It was totally unexpected, and I actually fought it, because it happened so quickly, adding a lot of responsibility! But, the blessing was my husband and I led worship as a team for the first time, which is something I had often prayed for. It was a beautiful time in a lot of ways, and very confirming of a gifting, for me personally, that had been tucked away for a time. Even as I type this, I'm not sure how it will be used in the future, but I will always cherish and be thankful for this time that was to be our "next chapter."
6. Discernment: One of the crucial take-aways from the end of this chapter, which would go even deeper in the next, was God's teaching me discernment. From leaving my job, and then the next year-and-a-half, God was working on discernment in me regarding his leading, myself, my marriage, my children, and others.
I hope you've enjoyed this story of struggle, hope, beauty, and confirmation. I pray it builds your faith to know God's love for you and to continue to commune and rest with him daily. The Word says God is not a respecter of anyone, but loves us all the same (Acts 10:34). He does want to speak and lead you as a good shepherd (Psalm 23). We can trust that our steps are ordered of the Lord, and that he has our best interest at heart. I cheer you on in your journey!
Blessings!
- JC
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