"Horrorcane": Salvation of Sudden Change

You know...sometimes life just feels like a "horrorcane." This is what my nephew called Hurricane Isaias, as we had driven 7.5 hours to get to the Gulf Coast and had to evacuate within 36 hours. I'm not sure if he nicknamed it on purpose or if he didn't know how to pronounce it. Either way, it tracks. And track it did...right toward where we had planned to spend a week breaking from life events and demands. Three days before my kids and I left for the coast was my work team's first payroll processing in a new system that we had spent months implementing. My phone stopped charging that same night at 11%, and movers were arriving at my house the next day at 8:00 a.m. I needed to be available to them by phone. I stayed up until around midnight working on it, trying to find things to use I had not already moved to the new location, and finally got it working enough to charge. The movers arrived early at the promised time the next morning to help us finalize a home move we'd been working on for over a week, every night after work and the previous weekend.

Moving day took me a bit by surprise, and it really is true what people say about grief hitting you at random times. As we drove from the old house to the new with our mattresses and furniture, I cried all the way. My husband and I had moved at least ten times together, and for the most part, we moved everything ourselves until the very last move. He passed away in February of this year, and it was emotional to make a move we were excited about without him. Since my eyes were puffy and I needed a minute when we arrived at the new location, I let the movers know what was going on. By the time they left, I was giddy because I was so relieved it was done. Those movers were ministers to our family that day and graciously handled my emotional processing. After one additional day packing and moving any remaining items from the old house, we were finally done! This is a picture of a tiny frog my daughter found right away outside our new place, who has a partner hiding somewhere. Isn't it cute? 

We left our boxes for the coast the next evening, staying at a hotel for the evening, and then arriving the next evening by 5pm, where we ate seafood with extended family and had a great 36 hours from there. We went to the beach, the pool, the hot tub, a souvenir shop, ate, drank, napped, and were merry. The beach was perfect, and as quickly as we came in, we left along with locals and other vacationers. We were in our vehicle 13 hours that day. The traffic was standstill on the highway at times, even with us getting out fairly early from the Gulf. Sometimes we'd be at 70-80 mph and then have to brake down to 0-5 mph. The most "fun" moment I had in this caravan was having to veer off into 12-inch-tall grass on the shoulder so that the vehicle behind didn't slam into us. My second most favorite moment was coming into Birmingham, AL. My GPS took me around traffic during rush hour, which I knew instinctively was not a great idea, due to not knowing the layout of the land in heavy traffic time, but I followed anyway, hoping to shave off some time. Never having driven that route, I had to cut traffic at one point due to GPS switching up on me last minute. The woman I tried to merge in front of gave me the middle finger with both hands out her window. And then she made sure to shoot me a bird one more time. Can I ask a question? How do you shoot two birds out of your window while behind the wheel going around a curve? I assume her passenger held the wheel for her - truly a tag-team effort. Or she was driving with her knees. Can you picture this? She was seriously committed to the moment. I blessed her with my mouth and told my daughter she should be glad I didn't use it to curse her, or those fingers might somehow get caught in a car door or be damaged another way. We had a good laugh. It's a good reminder for all of us Nashville folks (or really all of us) that people cutting sometimes just aren't from here and don't know the layout. "But I digress...". We came home to boxes upon boxes and disorganization and 2025 taxes that were demanding to be finished by the extension deadline of Oct 15. I finished at 10 pm on 10/10. Completion, Completion, Completion. And I realized it was the 8 month anniversary of my husband's passing. The mile marker had quietly passed while I busy and occupied. So I paused a moment to acknowledge it.

So back to the "horrorcane"... One question I asked in Gulf Shores was: How did we miss this coming? We had all glanced at our weather apps before coming and seen rain in the forecast later in the week but nothing extreme. And the answer was: It just formed quickly. This article, which has further references, written by an atmospheric scientist, states: "Isaias tied a 1905 storm for the latest-forming first hurricane of a season on record." I also love his opening line: "...Isaias shattered the peace of one of the quietest Atlantic hurricane seasons on record...". He explains, "In a typical season, the Atlantic region experiences five hurricanes and two major hurricanes by early October. Having no hurricanes until Oct. 7 is nearly unprecedented in the Atlantic hurricane record." Of course, I arrived on Oct. 6th, and the atmospheric stakeholders had a business meeting on the 7th and decided, "Now's the time, guys. Tomorrow, we make landfall." And they wrapped it up and went to lunch. 

Isaias means "Yahweh is salvation" or "God is my salvation." 

As my daughter and I discussed this on the way home - because you know, we had a lot of time on the road - we emphasized how, symbolically, this horrorcane represents quick change. And that's been the theme of this year for us. But instead of detailing what that has looked like beyond my husband's sudden passing in February, I'd rather focus on the overall theme of the sudden change. I keep thinking of Sodom and Gomorrah in the book of Genesis of the Bible, and how Lot and his family were urgently told not to look back (19:17). They had to get out quickly. They were running for their lives; it was sudden change. And I've mentioned this in another post, but it seems to be something God is impressing upon me: The concept of being turned to salt (Lot's wife) for looking back shows a preservation...a need to preserve something. I don't believe the preservation is so much items or memories as it is an overall longing for "what was," for the way things were. (If this means throwing out items to help release that longing, then maybe it does; these are personal convictions.) I want to share these thoughts because yes, it's cathartic for me, but I could just use a journal for that. And I do. But also, I think it's important for all of us to understand this concept. Why? Because it's freeing. There was a reason they (Lot's family) were told to leave quickly, and it was to save their physical lives, but I believe it was also for their emotional and spiritual salvation. In the song Psalm 23 that Phil Wickham sings with Tiffany Hudson, the opening lines give us David's voice from long ago: 

The Lord is my shepherd, there's nothing I need

You lead me to the safest places

I am beginning to realize that, sometimes, the safest places - the ones we long for - we can't get to on our own. We're in situations that are ruining us, and we may be deeply aware of this but don't know the way to safety. This can be so many scenarios! This is why we need God to guide us. Our salvation comes from his guidance, wisdom, provision, and yes, removal. What is even more interesting about  the meaning of Isaias is that, on the way down to the Gulf, God was speaking to our family in very creative ways. We had begun to see the name Josh in our travels, and we were making jokes about it to pass the time: "I wonder what Big Josh is up to today," and "How how Josh would feel about that?" When we looked up the name, it means: "Yahweh is salvation," or "God rescues." I'm chuckling as I type this, because of course it means the same thing as the hurricane that drove us from Gulf Shores. 

Okay, but how did this hurricane save me/us, you might be wondering? 

1. Grace for what I needed. I know it sounds lame because, of course, most people want their days on the beach (or the mountains) or wherever. But I personally just needed TIME to get some things done, as stated in the first part of this post. Coming back and having a three-day weekend enabled me to do those things. I needed breathing room. Am I saying God caused the hurricane? No. Am I saying he worked it for my good? Yes. I've walked with God long enough to know he is seconds, minutes, hours, days, weeks, months, years, and a lifetime ahead of me. Sometimes I am so amazed at what he does, I can't speak for a minute or two, and just walk around mesmerized. The way he can work a thousand situations together for good for not just me, but others simultaneously, is phenomenal. I have experienced things that I look back at and say, God was ahead of that years ago, and this is how this fits with that. So he knew where I was in my heart on vacation. He also knew the hearts of one of my kids who was struggling at the time with the overwhelm of all the activity and flurry we'd been in. God just knows. Also, as I pointed out to my kids, here's what would have been completely a bust: NO beach time. Having to turn around and go home right when, or before, we got there. But we did everything we came to do in that 36 hours, and the beach weather was just right for that one day. I do wish I had bought that souvenir cup at Purple Octopus, but I'll live. I had planned to go back, and we almost didn't buy my daughter's when we went in, but we did. There's a lesson there too. Live in the moment; sometimes you don't get to go back. 

2.  It validated and solidified the theme already shaping our hearts and lives. This storm was just like a storm we experienced on February 10 of this year. There were some clouds; a little rain. We were aware of the situation we were in and "had an umbrella handy." But we were shocked when the sudden turn came unexpectedly.  Two days before he passed, my late husband was cooking us shrimp and grits. And just like that, he was gone, and we were "evacuated" from the life we knew. But there was wisdom in it, for personal reasons that go beyond what I can share here and now. There was a salvation of sorts. Similarly, God's wisdom guided Lot's family's departure from Sodom, and there was wisdom when he said through an angel, "Escape for your life! Do not look behind you, or stop anywhere in the entire valley, escape to the mountains ... or you will be consumed and swept away." This was AFTER the angels had told Lot what was coming and to get ready to leave and take his family in vs 12 and 13, and then again in vs 15 at the crack of dawn, saying, "Get up and go!" That's my paraphrase of vs 15. But vs 16 says he HESITATED and LINGERED. It's so easy to judge Lot here, but based on a number of my experiences, I do believe that sometimes God does things so drastically and suddenly that, when we've been used to waiting and praying and standing, our minds can't catch up that fast, even though he may hint at - or tell us directly - what is coming. We can be in such shock of what's happening that we can't completely comprehend it. This is especially true when others you depend on or care for can't quite get on board, and you're believing for yourself and everyone around you. In vs 14, Lot's sons-in-law thought he was joking. It is after this verse that Lot hesitates in vs 16, but then the next part of that verse just makes me smile: "The men (angels) took hold of his hand and the hand of his wife and the hands of his two daughters, because the Lord was merciful to him...and they brought him out, and left him outside the city" (AMP). Amazing. My daughter had a dream that reminded her of this very scene that involved angels signing us out of a crumbling area after my husband's death, and writing this post, I see what she meant. I forgot aspects of this story until studying again tonight. How gracious is the Lord that he pulls us out - that he saves.

After the angels pulled out Lot and his family is when the warning came to not look back, in vs 17. But we know the story that Lot's wife did. And her turning to salt is so symbolic of what her heart wanted - to preserve what she knew. As hard as it is to hear, sometimes God doesn't want you preserving what was. Honor it, yes. But don't try and hold onto something that literally isn't there anymore. He has something else for you at this point in time, and it's good, because that's his heart for you (Jer 29:11). This is why the scripture in Isaiah, "Will you not know it?" (43:19) is so famous. What will we not know? The NEW thing he is doing that is springing forth now. How can I say this as a widow still grieving? Because as much as I can't believe what happened, I can just as much because I can see the wisdom of God in it. And though it hurts a lot, I am also grateful for God's oversight. Lot's wife wasn't consumed and swept away, like I would have been if I had fought against a hurricane. Instead, she turned to salt. So what did the angels mean by consumed? The word consumed there breaks down to: to scatter, remove, or ruin; to perish, be snatched or swept away; to be captured. By what? What is doing the ruining, the perishing, the sweeping, the capturing? It's the stronghold of not letting go, the need to preserve and hold on. Like with bitterness and unforgiveness, longing for what was or trying to preserve the past can keep you from a future that walks you into freedom, and ultimately, your purpose. Hearing God's voice and seeing his hand is so crucially important, because when he finally says it's time to close the door, he means it. And if he closes it for you, he means for you to move forward. It doesn't mean we don't grieve, but our grief is not to go backward, but rather to release so we can go forward, knowing that we will one day be complete and whole and never have to grieve again. One last thought: The angels said to Lot, "...Do not...stop anywhere in the entire valley, escape to the mountains ... or you will be consumed...". If you are going through grief, God sees it, honors it, and is always with you in it. He designed it to help you release, but don't stop in the valley. Lift your eyes. There is more. Head to the mountains. 

Praying tonight for those experiencing great loss and grief...

Blessings,

Jenny