"For you shall eat the fruit of [the labor of] your hands."
-Psalm 128:2
"And the dragon stood in front of the woman who was about to give birth, so that when she gave birth he might devour her child."
-Revelation 12:4b
In the midst of a high pressure decision, I was feeling a familiar internal conflict. Holy Spirit had led me to Psalm 128 already, and as I continued praying, I was led to Revelation 12. As I read it, I realized the internal conflict was coming from not being fully convinced of the impact and importance of tasks God had called me to in this season, nor the spiritual warfare surrounding my decision. This was causing me to vacillate between the knowing in my spirit-man and the pressures from the natural world. The decision I made would either take me into or away from a stronger focus of these tasks. I began to see there was an lying voice (vs 10) speaking things in my ear that seemed like wisdom, but it was really trying to get me to abort the things God had given to me to do, or at least neglect them by treating them without the significance they deserved.
About a week before, I had dreamed of a women I know named Rachel being due to have a child in a week. She was very tired! God often uses name meanings to communicate his heart to me, and as one of the meanings of the name Rachel in Hebrew is from an unused root word meaning "to journey" (H7353 - Strong's Concordance), I felt God was showing me that I was very exhausted in my journey. I was tired of believing for certain things. Life felt like an elusive treasure map that looked about as good as the one here. I know that's not a "Christiany" thing to say, but I'm cool with that.
I had experienced a passively suicidal thought about a week before this dream, which had not happened for at least 20 years that I can remember, and though I immediately took it captive, I knew I needed to hit pause and get with God on how to handle further. Interestingly enough, I was led to two different messages from women who have powerful ministries, and each of them spoke of a time in their lives where they felt they could not go on. One even asked to go home to heaven! I have put a link to that testimony
here, because I find it extremely encouraging.
In the beginning of Revelation 12, there is a vision given to John of "a woman clothed with the sun, with the moon beneath her feet, and on her head a crown of twelves stars." To the left is a footnote from the Amplified Bible that states that the moon is symbolic of Rachel, Jacob's preferred wife. This matches the imagery Joseph saw in his dream in Gen 37 where he saw his parents, Jacob and Rachel, as the sun and the moon.
Also, a few days after my dream about Rachel, I had a dream of a little girl named Summer, who I was playing with. As I studied out the summer harvest in the days of ancient Israel (here), their summer harvest was mostly of fruit. Putting these two dreams together, I felt God was showing me that the time of birth - or harvesting of the fruit - was now. But interestingly, Summer, the little girl in my dream, was in a long-sleeved dress and thick, white tights. In the natural (what she was wearing) was symbolic of the season we felt we were in. (Both my husband and I had had dreams in the past month of snow.) However, her name declared the word of God over us, which was harvest. It's a great reminder that how we feel and what God says about us are often worlds apart - again, showing the conflict between spiritual and natural.
As I counted down the days of the next week...and then counted the days past that week...and nothing changed....I wondered where this harvest was...which is how I started into the prayer mentioned at the beginning of this post. Which takes us back to Psalm 128 and Revelation 12. Holy Spirit showed me two starkly different images. In one, the believer eats the fruit of his labor. And in the other, his enemy waits to eat the fruit as soon as it's birthed. Why would he show me this?
As I studied the Hebrew word for labor in Psalm 128 (H3018), coming from the root verb (H3021), it had imagery such as: gasp, exhaust, tire, toil, faint, be weary. Felt about right. God was showing me the position our family had been in the greater part of a year. It had truly been a pregnancy we were carrying. (We were actually coming up on 9-10 months of a particular shift that had occurred!) We had been coming through transition and were bearing down to birth now, but we needed to see the situation for what it was. It wasn't unnecessary agony, but rather a laboring into something having to do with destiny in Christ. As this revelation came into greater focus, I could see the signs better that we had been getting closer and closer to delivery, and I could feel God saying not to give up during this transition period or let the enemy have our fruit. Labor Nurse Mama @
labornursemama.com says: "
Transition is typically the most intense part of your labor and it hits hard. Being prepared is key to not succumbing to your fear and anxiety when transition hits you. This is the point in labor when your hard-earned focus will begin to fail and your mind loses its control. So what do we do about it? We prepare." God was giving us divine perspective to show us that delivery had either come or was coming very soon so that we could be on guard against our fruit being snatched. He wanted us to know the truth.
Our labor had not been in the natural; on the contrary, pretty much every door my husband tried to knock on during this time for work was shut...and he had knocked on a lot! No, our labor had been choosing to believe and rest in God's promises (Hebrews 4:11), and his irrevocable calling on our lives (Romans 11:29), while persevering when we were tired spiritually and saw nothing to show for it. So what then? How to overcome? As I asked God this question, I saw - also in in Rev 12:11 - that "they overcame and conquered him because of the blood of the Lamb and because of the word of their testimony, for they did not love their life and renounce their faith even when faced with death." Here it was. I started with applying the blood to my/our situation, which atoned for me and had broken every curse over my life, according to the word of God (Isaiah 53). And then I repented of any unbelief and lined up my belief in the callings God wanted for my life in this season, acknowledging he actually was the author of those. I renounced the lies of the enemy in my ear and also the love of the world that would cause me to "love my life" more than God. These weren't just my random desires; they weren't just whims. These were purposed callings, and I was meant to birth them, and if the enemy couldn't convince me to abort, he would try and have my fruit via neglect or otherwise. I then spoke this belief from my heart out of my mouth to give my word of testimony. And I then let it rest with God, believing he had led me through scripture to victory, and that the finality of the situation rested in his hands and would be seen soon!
God is always for us, and it is his repentance that leads us to repentance (Romans 2:4). Getting away to a quiet space with him, which happened to be my parked car, allowed for revelation that I would cling to for victory. God met me behind the wheel and guided me into revelation so I could see what was actually happening. His understanding allowed me to see straight under immense pressure and to be on guard as we came into harvest. How can you apply this to your life? Stay in worship. Pull away to your quiet place. Turn your gaze to him, where your help comes from.
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